Sitting in my friend, Diana's, dining room actually writing on a computer rather than on my iPhone! I feel so spread out and in luxury. I have been feeling a range of emotions since completing my walk on the Mary Michael Path last week. While it felt so right and I felt so complete at the time, now I am wondering if I left prematurely, yet even as I type this, I know that this feeling on unsureness is much more about "now what?" more than "should I still be walking?". I spent the day last Wednesday writing - and bringing my pilgrimage to a close. I knew it was complete, and although quite shocked by this awareness, as initially I had expected to walk through all of Cornwall, I also learned, if nothing else(!), to listen to and honour the path. To have continued to have walked at this point would have been me pushing out of a concept or an idea, a should, rather than a deep honouring of my journey, my intentions, and myself.
I feel as though I wrote my most intimate writing on the Wednesday, which is why I have not yet posted it here on the blog. Quite truthfully, I am nervous to share with you my most intimate awarenesses and revelations. What if they are so off-base, so crazy, or even worse, so ridiculously obvious that you would be judging me for needing to actually walk all these miles to see and understand them? And yet, they are the gifts of my path, from my walking, and while maybe you already know and live the gifts that I had to walk to receive, it has been my path to walk, to understand, to embody these spiritual lessons of life, love, and creation.
To keep them to myself at this point is out of fear, concern, and stinginess. So, I will share them with you, whoever you may be!
Now my journey has taken another turn. I am in transition to return to my life. I have been spending time with family and old friends. My days are spent in short walks, long conversation, with home cooked food, mostly inside. Diana and I even watched a film last night. Early on Wednesday morning, I meet my son, Michael and his friend, Malie, and then we rent a car and drive in an hour or two places it would have taken me days to walk to on foot. I can feel my life pulling on me to come back to it. I am painfully aware of the constraints, doubts, shoulds and "how am I ever going to...?" rise to the surface and bury some of my optimism, hope and clarity. I can feel myself becoming a little wobbly, unsure, scared and defensive about my dreams and desires.
Yet even here is the opportunity for both/and. It is not just to live on the sacred path away from loved ones and one's life. It truly is the command and challenge of a pilgrimage journey to bring the gifts from the path home with you, and weave them into your life, and with intention, patience and acceptance, align your life with the path. To bring your life into the sacredness of the path.
Such is the journey home.
Solvitur Ambulando!
I feel as though I wrote my most intimate writing on the Wednesday, which is why I have not yet posted it here on the blog. Quite truthfully, I am nervous to share with you my most intimate awarenesses and revelations. What if they are so off-base, so crazy, or even worse, so ridiculously obvious that you would be judging me for needing to actually walk all these miles to see and understand them? And yet, they are the gifts of my path, from my walking, and while maybe you already know and live the gifts that I had to walk to receive, it has been my path to walk, to understand, to embody these spiritual lessons of life, love, and creation.
To keep them to myself at this point is out of fear, concern, and stinginess. So, I will share them with you, whoever you may be!
Now my journey has taken another turn. I am in transition to return to my life. I have been spending time with family and old friends. My days are spent in short walks, long conversation, with home cooked food, mostly inside. Diana and I even watched a film last night. Early on Wednesday morning, I meet my son, Michael and his friend, Malie, and then we rent a car and drive in an hour or two places it would have taken me days to walk to on foot. I can feel my life pulling on me to come back to it. I am painfully aware of the constraints, doubts, shoulds and "how am I ever going to...?" rise to the surface and bury some of my optimism, hope and clarity. I can feel myself becoming a little wobbly, unsure, scared and defensive about my dreams and desires.
Yet even here is the opportunity for both/and. It is not just to live on the sacred path away from loved ones and one's life. It truly is the command and challenge of a pilgrimage journey to bring the gifts from the path home with you, and weave them into your life, and with intention, patience and acceptance, align your life with the path. To bring your life into the sacredness of the path.
Such is the journey home.
Solvitur Ambulando!
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